Taking a break doesn't come naturally to me.
Growing up in a lower-middle-class American family, we never had the luxury of pausing to choose what our next move was. In fact, my energy and resilience were my biggest sources of praise from my parents. My father is the same way. We just keep going; it's in our DNA.
Consequently, I approach a lot of my life with strict to-do lists and goals. What are the five things I need to get done today in order to feel happy? Which chores need to get done? Which friend do I need to catch up with? What specific thing should I do next?
This has, admittedly, resulted in a lot of success in my career thus far. It's a great trait to have, and it's a great way to cut life off into bite-sized chunks.
But in order to be the well-rounded person that I strive to be, I needed to explore ambiguity at a larger scale than I ever had before. That's why I decided to approach my break with the ambiguous goal of self-discovery—whatever that meant. And boy, was it scary.
It took a lot of trial, error, stress, and second-guessing, but I did it. Here is what I have learned:
I am more than what I do.
My value is intrinsic. It's not based on the number of activities I can pack into a single day, nor on the number of things that go well for me.
I used to unhealthily obsess over my work. That lead to late nights at my desk and much of my free time spent thinking about new ideas and projects that I could implement. It became an easy way to get the praise that I needed in order to feel that I was valuable.
Cutting off my supply of extrinsic praise forced me to find that within myself.
Cultivating meaningful relationships is the greatest source of joy.
I have always considered myself a friendly and talkative person, however, in the last decade I have become increasingly less open. I often deflected difficult or personal topics in order to keep peace and resorted to relying on my best coping mechanism: humor.
During my career break, I opened myself up to new friendships and relationships. Slowly, I started to open up about my feelings and struggles that aren't particularly 'fun' to talk about. In turn, I became more honest and open with myself.
Being more authentic around friends and loved ones has given me a better perspective on life and the amazing resources I have around me.
Set healthy boundaries, but keep saying yes.
Making decisions at work has always been easier for me than making them in my personal life. I can balance the effort and/or risk to rewards ratio using tangible data and examples.
In my personal life, it's difficult to decide what I should do or what I want to do. Before the break, I used to say yes to everything (personally and professionally) and I was exhausted. During my break, I went through a phase of saying no to everything and I began feeling sad and isolated.
Today, I have balance. Saying yes and pushing myself beyond my comfort zone brings me joy, but I am more diligent about checking in with my own feelings and being honest about them. This is one of the greatest skills I have learned during my career break.
I'm looking forward to taking all of the lessons I've learned and applying them to the rest of my life. I can't wait to see what's next.
To the future!
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